Losing him, wasn't the only thing I lost
by CMCrazies
Summary: Based on the season 7 final. what if Will didnt make it? What did JJ feel. CHECK IT OUT AND REVIEW please. may be a two shot.
1. Chapter 1

**Got this idea, and I do hate myself for writing this, you all know how big of a JJ/WILL shipper I am but what if Will died when he got shot, my take on what would of happened. **

**Losing him, wasn't the only thing I lost, I lost myself.**

As I heard the gunshot, I jumped forward, feeling Morgan's arms around my waist once again, jumping out of his hold, I fell backwards, covering my mouth with my dad, I felt my breathing slow down as I felt the tears fall down my face, looking around me I saw everyone ,all cops, sweat everyone. I kept my eye on the building the whole time. I needed to know. I needed to know he was going to be okay!.

I didn't even notice everyone turn away from me, as Strauss stepped out the van giving them all a look. I felt someone guide me into the van. Sitting down. I saw everyone was quiet, looking over at Garcia, I saw her doing something on her computer.

"Let me see it."

"J…"

"Let me see it Garcia!"

Standing behind her, I felt everyone's eyes staring at the screen, as I watched I felt my stomach turn. Holding my breath, I watched as Will's body fell flat to the floor. So there I stood. Staring at the screen not saying anything , just let a few tears slide down my face.

And then once I got everyone to agree, we made our way to the building, feeling my body hit the ground, my eyes closed and everything went dark. Opening my eyes, I felt a sharp pain in my ears, looking up I saw Morgan. Once were on our feet, I looked around we could see all the hostages coming out before the explosion. But Will I didn't see, I didn't care about anything else at that moment, I ran past Morgan inside the building. Turning on my flash light, I pulled out my gun, shouting his name as loud as I could.

After searching and searching, I came across a body, kneeling down I put my gun away, I moved the pieces of rubble off the body, feeling my whole body stiffen. I felt a tear run down my face onto my hand, reaching out I ran my hand through his hair. As I let out a scream.

"NOOO.. NOOO WILL!"

I pulled his body towards me, lifting his head onto my legs, holding onto him with all my strength. I didn't notice all the paramedics coming in and out to help the old couple who Emily had found until. I felt them all both behind me.

"JJ…."

I heard her voice, feeling her hand on my shoulder. I don't know how long I was there. I felt Morgan pick me up and move me out the way as they came and took his body away, walking out he building, I saw them all. Hotch, Rossi, Reid, Garcia, Strauss and Kevin, all of them staring as Emily and Morgan led me out of the building, I felt my body collapse to my floor, as my legs gave out, Emily fell with me wrapping her arms around, me I cried into her shoulder. Looking up I saw one of the paramedics talking to Morgan, then them both looking at me.

"JJ….."

I looked up at Morgan..

"They….they need you to ID him…."

"Wha…..why?" I said in a shaky voice.

Standing up, I let Morgan lead me to his body. As they unzipped the body bag I took a deep breath.

"Mam is that your husband. "

"He's…..he's not m husband, that's….that's…my boyfriend yes."

"Thank you mam, and as soon as his wallet is found we will have it sent to you."

After the paramedic, had drove off, I turned around throwing up. Wiping my mouth, I turned around walking towards the rest of the team.

JJ felt sick again, placing her hand on her stomach. "Henry…"

"What?"

"Henry!…he's…he's…."

Everyone stopped for a moment, following Rossi, I climbed into the passenger seat. When we arrived, I saw Henry playing with our neighbour and her daughter, I took a deep breath, climbing out of the car, followed by Rossi, I walked into the garden, watching as Henry ran towards me.

"Mommy"

Picking him up, I tried to hide the tears forming in my eyes. I held in tightly, looking over at Kate. Seeing the look on her face.

"JJ…."

I felt my lip tremble as Rossi spoke.

"Why don't you go and gather some of yours and Henry's things."

JJ nodded, carrying Henry on her hip, as she made way into there house.

"Mamma, where daddy.?"

Closing my eyes I took a deep breath. Gathering out stuff I made my way back outside, holding into Henry's hand. Looking at Kate I saw the sadness in her eyes.

When we arrived back at the BAU, I let Henry run off to his god father, I followed the rest of the team up to the conference room, seeing all the sadness in there eyes.

"Wha….t what do I do?"

"JJ…."

I looked up at them, running my hands through my hair.

"Right now all you can do is be there for your son."

Nodding, JJ wiped her eyes. "How do I tell him. That his daddy's never coming home."

Looking out into the bull pen, I took a deep breath, walking down the steps, I sat down at my desk. Looking over at Henry, seeing him walking towards me, picking hum up I sat him down in my lap.

"Mamma, why sad….where daddy."

Running my hand through his hair, I wrapped my arms around him. "'I'm sad little man, cos daddy got hurt today."

"Hurt?"

"Yeah. Buddy he didn't make it."

"Can I see him mamma?"

Biting down onto her lip. JJ kissed her son's head. "No buddy, cos he's gone to haven, with grandpa. "

"Mamma, I be sad too?"

"Yeah buddy you can."

They wall watched, as I held onto my son for dear life, I knew they all felt sorry for me, and Henry, but none them knew how I truly felt, Hotch did in a way, but I didn't just love the man I love today, I lost myself.

/

**Might make this into a two shot not sure. Anyways depending on reviews I might, so review and let me know. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so I'm making this into a two shot, so hope you enjoy the rest of it. And to all the reviews I know I don't think I would have been able to handle the finale if they actually did kill him ! Glad they didn't. **

**Chapter 2.**

Waking up, I opened my eyes, looking around the room. I took in a deep breath, hoping the days before events were just a nightmare. Walking down the stairs I saw how quiet the house was, heading into the kitchen, I saw everyone from the team, sat silent in the kitchen. That's why I knew, none of it was a dream. Letting out a little breath, I sat down in the spare chair next to Morgan, seeing all there eyes on me for a second, leant my elbows on the counter, running my fingers through my hair.

"Henry asked if I could take him to the museum today…I was thinking it might be a good idea. "Reid said, breaking the silence.

I slowly looked up giving him a little nod. "Thanks Spence."

Nodding, Reid, gave me a little smile, I knew he was going to wake Henry and get him ready. Since I really didn't have to energy to do anything.

Walking back into what was our bedroom, I walked towards my draws pulling out a t-shirt and some jogger bottoms. Tying my hair on top of my head, I headed into the bathroom. Throwing the hot water over my face, I dried away the face wash, brushing my teeth. Looking up at the mirror I saw I still had red puffy eyes, and I knew that wasn't going away anytime soon.

As I walked back into my room, I saw Emily and Penelope sat on the edge of my bed, sitting down between them, I felt them move closer, taking hold of my hands as I laid my head onto Penelope's, shoulder letting the tears escape me once again.

"JJ….."

"He'…s….he's really gone."

"We know gumdrop we know." Penelope, said squeezing my hand.

Pulling away I stood up, placing my hand on my stomach I felt sick once again, running into the bathroom, I lifted the lid and throw up once again, seconds later I felt someone holding up my hair, and the tap running. Falling flat onto the ground, I leant my head onto the bottom of the cabinet. Looking up I saw Emily and Penelope sitting down next to me. Taking the water I took a long sip watching the looks exchanged between my best friends.

"Guys…I know what your thinking and I'm not "

"You sure I mean…"

"EM, I came on a couple of days ago…I just…."

"Okay…."

"You sure okay?"

I let out a little laugh, shaking my head. Biting down onto my lip, I looked around at them. "I just…wanna be alone."

After they left, I waited a few minutes making sure I was totally alone, gathering myself off the floor, I walked back into our bedroom, laying back down in the bed, I laid in Will's spot taking in his cent, that I would never be able to smell again. Sitting up, I pulled my legs over the end of the bed, looking on the nightstand, I saw the picture of me and Will, I traced my finger along the frame. A couple of minutes later, I opened the door. I had never looked in it before. Looking around I saw a few of Will's things, I had totally forgot he owned, then I found a box, a velvet box. Holding it in my hand, I climbed out of bed crouching down onto the floor, leaning my head against the bed.

/

Everyone looked around hearing a knock on the door, Henry and Reid had been back for an hour or so. Standing up Morgan headed towards the front door. Seeing an older woman with long blonde hair.

"Ah, you must be member of JJ's team?"

"Yes mam…you must be…"

"Yes, that would make my the mother."

Stepping inside, Sandy followed Morgan into the kitchen, looking around she saw the saddened looks on everyone's faces.

"Grandma!"

Henry ran out of his seat, and over to his grandmother. She picked him up, holding him on her hip.

"There he is, how's my favourite baby doing?"

"Miss daddy." Henry said leaning his head onto her shoulder.

Kissing his head, Sandy ran her hand through his hair, looking around at everyone.

"Where is she?"

"She wanted to be alone." Emily said, giving her a soft smile.

Putting Henry down, Sandy headed towards her daughters bedroom. Opening the door she saw me. Looking up I saw my mother, enter the room, closing the door behind me. Looking back down at the box in front of me, I wiped the tears from my eyes.

Feeling her slide down next to me, wrapping her arm over my shoulder.

"Jen…."

Laying my head onto her shoulder, I let my tears fall once again.

"He…s…..why did he have to be the hero."

"Sweetie"

"He…..I just want him back"

Wiping my tears away again, I looked up at my mom.

"What you got there?"

Letting out a little laugh, I bit down onto my lip, running my finger over the box. "I found it, in Will's draw… I just….I can't open it."

"JJ…"

Taking a deep breath, I opined the box, seeing the single diamond sitting in the middle of the sliver gold ring. Pulling it out of the box, I held it into between my fingers.

"I never said yes."

Placing the ring onto my finger, I took a deep breath. "And I don't know why…."

"JJ, did you get any sleep last night?"

Looking up at my mother, I shook my head.

"Okay, you get some sleep. And I'm gonna go bring Henry in here so you can. He's looking rather warn out…"

"But…there's so much to do…the funeral."

"We've all got it covered. Now sleep."

JJ nodded, climbing into bed, I watched as Henry, walked down the hallway carrying his teddy bear, picking him up, I laid him next to him, wrapping my arm around him.

"Mamma, you still sad?"

"Yeah, buddy I am, but you can be too."

"Love you mamma."

"I love you too baby always." I kissed his head, watching as he fell asleep. Before closing my own eyes.

/

Sitting in the white chairs, I took hold of the flag, letting the tears slip down my cheek, I looked down at Henry, feeling his tiny hand, gripping my sleeve. Looking forward, I stared at his coffin, as the gunshots and bagpipes started. After it all stopped, I picked up Henry, carrying him on my hip, I picked up two red roses, handing one of them to Henry. Placing mine down, I watched as Henry did the same, running my hand over the front of his hair, moving it from his eyes.

"Give daddy a kiss."

I watched as Henry, kissed his hand then blowing the kiss, I smiled a little placing my hand onto the coffin.

I stood there, shaking everyone's hands giving them a nod, as they gave me there apologies. Looking up I saw Hotch heading towards me.

"Fancy a walk?"

Nodding, I looked over at my mother, seeing her take over for me. Following Hotch, I found the team, all sat with Henry, thankful they were taking care of him for me.

Standing outside, I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling the cold breeze, go through the lace of my dress.

"How you holding up?"

"Okay, I guess, I just….how do I do this?"

"You take everyday, as it comes, and let us all help you."

Nodding, I looked back inside, and over at Henry.

"Look, Hotch, I know we all helped you, and everything like that, and I know you all wanna help me…..and I appreciate it all of it but….I didn't just lose Will Aaron. I lost myself. "

Looking up at him, I felt the tears start to from, walking back inside, I stopped watching as Henry came towards me.

"Hey buddy, you tried."

Picking Henry up, I kissed his head, carrying Henry up to his room, reading him a story, I sat with him, reading his favourite story. Watching as he spelt, I took in everything that had happened over the last week.

I really didn't know, how to do this, Will was my wall, and now that wall was shattered into a million pieces. I was right, I didn't only lose Will, I lost myself along the way.

**THE END**

/

**So what did you think? Review please. And thanks for reading.**


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